IF: IDENTITY (ENGLISH VERSION)
by Fuyu Aki
Summary: (POST GSD) What is the truth that lie behind the journal and the data? Should the people denying their true nature and try to achieve a new identity or should they vanished themselves? What is the main cause? Pride? Dignity? Or just to fulfill their own pleasure of living? Athrun once again find out something about himself.


Hello all! After a long time finally, Fuyu returned.

Therefore Fuyu returned with the IF series.

Fuyu is very busy with RL matters so Fuyu will publish very rarely. So, maybe the Fuyu can write only when there is time. Sorry, everyone ...!

Maybe this is the last story before a hectic and long holiday ahead. See you on next month or maybe two months again?

This IF story was inspired by Tamaki Nami's song titled Identity.

**DISCLAIMER: Gundam Seed Destiny belongs to SUNRISE Corp.**

* * *

**IF: IDENTITY**

_**by Fuyu Aki**_

It has been about two years after the end of _Bloody Valentine's Second War_. Peace has been achieved since the war ended and the duty of people around the world is enough to defend the war and keep the peace. Previous war veterans who felt there was something wrong with the _Destiny Plan_ initiated by the late Chairman of the PLANT, Gilbert Dullindal finally ventured to appear in the general public, especially on the political stage, as did by Kira Yamato and Lacus Clyne.

As the daughter of the late Siegel Clyne, Lacus finally decided to take the same steps as her father and she thought that she should have done it a long time ago just like Cagalli did when _First Bloody Valentine War_is over. However, Lacus did not want to question about that matter now, it was only natural that she had felt hesitant or decided to isolate herself at first because to obtain peace there was no need to specialize in having a special figure to obtain it. Peace is everyone's hope and that can be achieved by people without high status or rank like her. No need for a _Utahime_ figure, or a high-ranking official in parliament. But she was wrong, it turns out Chairman Gilbert Dullindal has his own scenario which actually manipulates the perspective of many people's mind about the ideal world, the hope, and peace that they want to, so Lacus finally decided that she had to take action, especially after once again her life became the target of ZAFT.

The meeting one by one she attended as a mediator and it was not an easy thing for her, plus she was a woman who if many people said her feelings were more easily shaken than men in making decisions. Sometimes she compared herself with Cagalli who had been educated since a child to become a stern figure by Uzumi Nara Athha, but Lacus knew she had her own way, she was not Cagalli but she was Lacus.

"Hhhh ..." Lacus leaned into her chair and closed her eyes for a moment. She just finished a meeting with a quite difficult topic because it talked about genetics development especially for Coordinator whose need a few genetic quality requirements to get married and having a child. Fortunately, Kira was not present because Lacus was sure if the white coat commander present at the meeting, Kira would be very angry to hear that. The reason is, there are some officials who doubt about the continuity of the _Coordinator_ when they reach the third or fourth generation development will there be someone who has the ability of a second generation _Coordinator_? Regulations regarding marriage arranged as one way to maintain the quality of a _Coordinator _will be revised due to the possibility of _Coordinators_ and _Natural_ to get married.

As a second generation, Lacus can understand this because it could be that in the third generation there are people who are considered as _Half_ and she should be able to immediately discuss it in international forums before any problems arise, no need to go far because they can see real examples from the relationship between Athrun and Cagalli even though they both still haven't officially announced their relationship. But deep in her heart, she hoping that the couple will announce their relationship immediately because it can start a new revolution, but she knew well that both Athrun and Cagalli didn't want that their relationship indicated as something political matters. A wrong step can escalate or start a new riot.

A worn notebook kept neatly on her desk. A book was taken by cadet Martin DaCosta when they were investigating the Mendel Colony for the second time. Mendel's colony, the colony where all problems began, the beginning of everything. Maybe it's true that the figure of George Glenn was the one who started the doubt about the problem of genes in humans. However, it is the development of science and technology, especially in the field of genetics that continues to develop and produce many problems and the Mendel Colony is where the science of genetics developed. Lodonia Lab might be included in the count but they are more like biological weapons development facilities.

Due to the dizzying topic of the meeting, Lacus reached for the book and opened a page per page. The book is the last record of researchers working for the _Destiny Plan_, whether the book really belongs to _Chairman_ Dullindal or not, but if that is true then Lacus did not expect that the previous _Chairman_ turned out to be a researcher. Judging from the notes, they seem to be trying to continue Ulen Hibiki's research goal of producing superior races, but unfortunately, their mindset is different. He also tried to develop a clone, which resulted in an unstable human being due to some modification genes. To be honest, the chairman was a wise man and maybe a wise researcher too. He cares about humanity but 'something' blinded him.

_Ulen Hibiki ..._Lacus thought. The biological father of Kira Yamato and Cagalli Yula Athha, the greatest researcher of his time and with his wife Via Hibiki and also their research team they tried to develop human genes. However, unfortunately, Ulen's eyes and mind was darkened, blinded by the glory and the power of science, he wanted to create a perfect human being, he even willing to use his own child as a guinea pig. Even though the research was successful, it produced many problems. His relationship with his wife Via became incompatible, because even though Via could understand the development of genes but for Via it still had reasonable limits, there was still a code of ethics that they had to obey but Ulen did not heed Via's words. Not only that, after the death of George Glenn, people called Natural were not expected to carry out massacres and coups against the _Coordinator_. Luckily, both Kira and Cagalli survived despite ending with the death of the Hibiki couple.

Lacus still clearly remembered the sad face of Kira and kept crying because of the and also Cagalli's surprised face. Based on Caridad's explanation, both the Yamato and Uzumi families Nara Athha deliberately separated the two of them because they did not want to make a scene with the Hibiki successor plus their successors were twins and they each had different genes. If the public knows about it, both Kira and Cagalli must not be able to enjoy their lives as they are now, they will end up being objects of research, not as ordinary people. Kira and Cagalli's name also turned out to have its own story. To avoid having a name relationship between Kira and Cagalli, Via plays the writing and mentions the names of his two children.

Really Lacus didn't understand why humans were so happy to be on top. Her eyes stopped when she saw a small print in one of the open corners, _Superior Evolutionary Element Destined-factor_ or _SEED factor_ ... she thought. She then remembered Commander Andrew's explanation when they were resting on Archangel's canteen. A _Coordinator _who has the ability to truly improve their abilities, their abilities are indeed the result of gene engineering but within them, there is a condition that can exceed that. Andrew likens the situation to a mythical legend berserkers. But Lacus better interpreted it as a desire, a belief, a power. A situation that is deliberately 'opened' to improve their abilities. It might sound a bit spooky because it is like opening the sixth sense that it might even be the seventh sense, but that is the _SEED-factor_ for Lacus. The whole condition of the five senses becomes sharper and the brain's thinking power becomes above the normal limit. The coordinator has that kind of ability.

"Lacus?" A man's soft voice made him realize her thoughts. Lacus immediately turned towards the sound source and in front of her stood the figure of Kira who looked dashing with his ZAFT white uniform. It's unique to see that Kira, who is actually more suited to the ORB uniform, is now wearing a ZAFT uniform. The ZAFT uniform is actually more suitable for Athrun, that's according to Lacus's personal note.

"Ah, I'm sorry I didn't hear if you entered," said Lacus softly.

Kira only smiled but his expression changed when he saw the book held by Lacus. "You ... still reading the book?" he asked.

"Ah, yeah sorry, it's just ... at the meeting ..." Lacus tried to find the right explanation for Kira.

"It's okay Lacus, because I heard that you also asked for help from people in the Terminal to re-investigate everything related to the Mendel Colony even though all the main data were not in the colony but you asked them to keep looking," Kira said, he knew the agenda of the meeting which was attended by Lacus and he was not present at the meeting not because it was intentional but because of a sudden call from the Terminal. "I got some updates from DaCosta-san. I understand Lacus, you deliberately investigated because you wanted to immediately close the facility and the Colony right? You want all the data there to be taken, examined, and secured right?" Lacus just nodded.

"The same also goes to Cagalli and Athrun, due to the special request of Shinn and Athrun, Cagalli submitted an investigation proposal with the Earth Alliance to investigate the remains of LOGOS and Blue Cosmos research on earth right? The facilities in Lodonia are one of them," explained Kira.

"Then what do you want to report, Commander Yamato?" Lacus asked in a slightly joking voice to ease the atmosphere. Inside the room, there are only the two of them and there is nothing wrong if they have a casual conversation without honorifics right?

Kira smiled and gave a number of CDs and some paper files that are quite shabby but can still be read clearly. "Some reports on research and plans have been carried out at Mendel Colony, and several lists of people who have been the object of their research and lists of people who are donors and sponsors of activities in the Colony."

Lacus was silent, she waited for Kira to continue his brief explanation. "Besides the research report, the most surprising thing is the list of research objects and sponsors and donors," Kira explained, then took several pieces of paper and showed them to Lacus. In the list of names written the names Zala and Patrick Zala, including one of the people who became donors. "... I know Athrun's family is working in politics, which can be seen from his late father, but I'm not surprised if they are interested in gene research since Athrun's late mother is a researcher," Kira added, but his tone sounded a little annoyed and sad.

Want to conclude if the figure of the Zala family is people who are crazy with superior race positions, that is absolutely not allowed. Patrick Zala was a good father figure and Lacus knew that. Patrick Zala changed after Lenore Zala's death. But why did Athrun's family become donors for Mendel's research even the amount donated was the biggest perhaps, almost the same as the donation from Ai Da Flaga's project? The Zala family is very well known for its political power, science, and technology was not their field. "Do you think there is anything else that you want to report? Because it seems like you still want to say something," Lacus said, although for some reason she felt something strange and her feelings were very uneasy.

"The commander of Rau Le Creuset was the result of a successful clone from the colony. Mendel's colony was stopped when Ulen Hibiki's research was successful three years after George Glenn died of being shot. For the case of Rey Za Burrel, it is likely that he was cloned using facilities at PLANT but "Some of Rau Le Creuset's memories are recorded into his brain," Kira added. "... but what I didn't expect was ..." Kira gave Lacus two pieces of paper which contained the results of experiments from one of the objects carried out by Ulen Hibiki and when Lacus read and looked at the name of the object and the sponsor for the study, Lacus was surprised.

* * *

Athrun was quite surprised by the proposal submitted by Kira suddenly. He wanted Athrun to allow Terminal members to carry out investigations regarding the Zala family and ask Athrun to open access to all assets and data owned by the Zala family both in the PLANT and on earth if they had. When Athrun asks about the purpose of Kira's proposal, Kira did not answer with certainty and only asks Athrun to wait for the next direction from Kira. A month after Kira contacted Athrun, Kira asked Athrun and Cagalli to come to the PLANTs but not for formal purposes. Therefore, now this is where Athrun is with Cagalli, in December City, precisely at the Zala family residence.

Athrun still remembers clearly, his home when he was raised from birth until he moved to a Lunar prep school in Copernicus. His house after the war and moved from Copernicus. His house after his mother was gone. His house before he moved to the ZAFT military dormitory. His home before he moved to ORB Union. Nothing has changed, it is still well maintained because at first Athrun asked the Amalfi family to take over the house but it was declined because of the history of the house. Besides taking over the house, the Amalfi family was willing to take care of the house because for Romina Amalfi Athrun was like his own son, remembering that the late Nicol was very fond of Athrun and saw him like an older brother.

"Athrun?"

Cagalli's soft voice behind Athrun awakened Athrun from his reverie that stood before the gate of Zala's residence. Somehow Kira forced Athrun to invite Cagalli because Kira said what he wanted to convey to Athrun also had something to do with Cagalli. Either since when Kira became a strong and firm figure, Athrun could only smile a little remembering Kira who could speak in a high and loud voice. "Let's get in and wait for Kira and Lacus inside. The weather in December City is like in the mountains, the temperature is quite cold and it would be nice if we immediately warm ourselves inside," he said.

A house or more precisely a _Tudor-Jacobean_ style mansion that is distinctive with earth and red nuances. It is suitable for environmental conditions in _December City_ and is also suitable to describe the main residence of the Zala family. Cagalli couldn't imagine what Athrun's life was like before he stayed at the ORB Union. The Athha Manor is very spacious and Athrun easily adjusts to the house. Cagalli should not feel strange, but seeing the Zala family's house for the first time and seeing the breadth of the house might be good if Athrun was also given a noble title or maybe a prince.

Athrun invites Cagalli to the lounge, "Wait a minute here, I'm going to the kitchen to check whether there is food or drink and maybe ... bring food and drinks." He hoping that the housekeeper left a supply after he informed that he will pay a visit a few days ago.

"I ... I'm coming with you Ath!" said Cagalli who didn't want to be left alone.

"Why? Are you afraid if I left you alone?" Athrun asked innocently who immediately got a soft punch from Cagalli right on his shoulder.

"It's not like that, it's just that this is the first time I've come to your house so ... I want to look around a little. It's okay?" she said slowly.

Athrun smiled. Maybe if they lived peacefully from the start with the absence of war and their parents were still alive, maybe this was the experience or feeling when having a girlfriend and asking her to come to his house for the first time. During _Junior High_ Athrun often heard unclear gossip about his male friend's experience when taking his girlfriend home for the first. Not unexpectedly if he will be very late experiencing this. But he will not do things like his friends done. He is a gentleman, besides that, Kira will immediately kill him if he messes with Cagalli. _Self-control_ is one of the things taught in the military academy, he must remember that.

"Alright, come on!" said Athrun reached out his hand and was greeted lightly by Cagalli. Athrun takes Cagalli to the area around his house. Starting from the library of his father and mother, his father's study room, his study room, music room, and not forgetting the greenhouse where his mother planted various kinds of flowers, ornamental plants, vegetables, and herbs before finally they were in Athrun's room as Cagalli expected, simple as well as male rooms and just like Athrun. Unlike the classic style of his house, Athrun's room, although using wooden furniture with not too much decoration, has a fairly modern touch. The gray room blended with purple color is really suitable for Athrun's calm nature.

"Is this your room?" Cagalli asked, sitting on Athrun's bedside.

Athrun opened the blue curtain and window to replace the air in the room and let the air circulate so that the atmosphere of the room was rather cool. "Yes," he answered briefly and his gaze was straight at the view that could be seen from the window of his room. The extensive expanse of green lawns and views of trees and mountains.

Hearing Athrun's short answer, Cagalli knew there was something that was again blocking the ORB Union youngest Admiral's thoughts. "Is it hard for you to come back here? To your house?" he asked.

Athrun sighed. Cagalli really knew her very well. Only Cagalli was the one who easily asked him to open himself even though initially it was quite difficult but for some reason, Athrun always felt comfortable when he had talked to the amber girl. "This house is the main home of the Zala family, all generations of Zala come from this house. Memories and stories in this house are very various and many and for me, this is the place my mother most likes because according to her, the location of this family home has the most optimal soil conditions, so after she married my father, she asked and insisted my father to make a greenhouse. "

"I don't really understand the history of my predecessors. It's just that according to many people I will surely follow in the footsteps of my family as politicians. My father had wanted to become a politician, but after George Glenn's dead he chose to enter the military academy and my grandfather permitted that. On the other hand, I took more like my mother more interested in science and technology, at first my father was a little disappointed, but my mother and I assured my father that this was my way, so finally, my father hoped the war would be over so I didn't have to worry about the choices I choose for the future ahead of me. However, everything changed after the Junius Seven incident," Athrun added.

Cagalli knew this house will definitely open some old memory of Athrun whether it's fun or sad but this is something that must be faced by Athrun, he must be able to make peace with his past. "What about your other family?"

Athrun snorted, "Most of them were killed when the _Coordinator_ massacre took place after the death of George Glenn and several others were killed when an invasion of Mendel Colony occurred. That's what I heard from my father's story. Some of those I know and know is still alive, asking for their existence is not sought by us. "

"I was still green at that time, only able to accept the words of my father whole-heartedly. After the funeral of my uncles, he said 'Zala is not weak people. A Zala is a person who has a strong opinion and leader spirit' that's what I remember. Maybe that also causes the father advanced in the election as a chairman. Trying to maintain the existence of the family." Athrun's explanation sounded quite painful, he wanted to introduce Cagalli to his family, but at the same time, he felt hate toward his family as if being a Zala was a curse.

"I don't know why I feel that my family is very happy towards the existence of a race. I remember the history of world war where Germany tried to prove that their nation, the Aryans were a superior nation," Athrun then chuckled. He was not mocking the world war that happened on earth but, he could understand the situation that was happening at that time which turned out to be not much different from what he was experiencing now.

If people think that Uzumi Nara Athha's upbringing is very hard, but that is nothing compared to what was experienced by Athrun. Athrun experienced something worse than that. If you pay close attention, Athrun was educated very hard by Patrick Zala, whether you could say he was an iron-armed figure or not, what Patrick Zala taught Athrun was not a natural thing. But that is natural for Athrun because he needs an identity for himself because of his family's condition. He needed to be appreciated by his family because he is the sole heir of the family. It was Lenore who became the balancer of Athrun's and Patrick's emotions. Lenore wanted Athrun to live like a child according to his age. So it is not strange if this father son's relationship becomes quite stiff when Lenore dies.

Cagalli herself really did not believe that in fact Athrun, who from childhood was told as a figure of a child who was full of confidence, had no weaknesses, was strong and calm by Kira, apparently had a deep wound in his heart. He used to carry out a quite heavy duty as Zala. Self-esteem and family respect are not easy things to be kept, Cagalli knows that. But there is another addition in Athrun's life, during his childhood, Athrun also had to struggle to prove his existence, especially to his father, he must be able to fulfill his father's expectations and Athrun managed to cover his dark side perfectly. Cagalli also came to understand why Athrun felt upset in the past war.

This Zala family home clearly shows the lifestyle Athrun must go through. A family with a fairly conservative mind is clearly seen from the style and atmosphere of this house, but can still be open because of the figure of Lenore, Cagalli should see a few modifications that had been made by Lenore as Athrun explained about how her mother tried to live up this house so he and his father can feel comfortable and warmth after their busy days. This house also witnessed all the events that happened with the Zala family. Including when Athrun felt happy and when he was sad and maybe also when he was at loggerheads with his parents. Maybe both Athrun and Cagalli are grateful Lenore can be a member of the Zala family and can make a little change in the family.

Cagalli then approached Athrun and immediately embraced the young man and gently stroking his back, the same thing he had done to Kira. "Yosh, it's okay ... there's nothing else you should worry about because you're not alone now. Remember Athrun, you have Kira, Lacus, your friends and also ... me," said Cagalli who somehow even short it had deep meaning for Athrun.

"Cagalli ..."

Cagalli let go of her arms and held both of Athrun's hands tightly. "Instead of that, it's better that we immediately head to the kitchen of your house like our original plan, because it seems like soon Kira will come," said Cagalli. Athrun just nodded slowly.

But that didn't get a good response from Cagalli so Cagalli took the initiative to kiss Athrun's cheek and cause the young man's cheeks to turn red. "A ... Cagalli ... what ..." Athrun was surprised by Cagalli's kiss even though it was only on the cheek.

Cagalli stuck her tongue out a little, "I don't know Athrun Zala the moody, all I know is Athrun Zala who is quiet but he is very brave. I'm already tired of seeing you keep on being sad."

* * *

The four of them finally decided to gather in the Zala family's dining room. Not long after Cagalli asked Athrun to immediately take him to the kitchen of his house, Kira and Lacus arrived. So this is where they are, Athrun and Kira sitting facing each other at the dining table, while Lacus and Cagalli prepare tea and snacks for them. Luckily Lacus brought some pastries and tea boxes so they didn't have to bother to shop first.

"Thank you Lacus, Cagalli," Kira said when Lacus and Cagalli put four cups and poured tea for them. Cagalli who was carrying a plate filled with several cakes immediately sat next to Athrun. Lacus also immediately sat next to Kira. Both Lacus and Cagalli felt that suddenly the tension between Athrun and Kira had become quite large, rigid and tense, which was suddenly portrayed. Hopefully, they will not be one of the causes of a new war.

Athrun grabbed the cup near him and sipped a little of his tea before he finally looked at Kira straight with his firm emerald eyes but also shined a bit of tension, "So what do you want to talk about so that I have to take care of all my family assets and meet both of you at this place? "

Lacus was rather surprised by Athrun's bold question which went straight to the core of the problem but not for Kira, he was used with Athrun who was actually not long-winded not giving a break for casual conversation. Kira smiled a little and took out a few sheets of paper from the file he brought. The paper was the paper he showed to Lacus three months ago. "Several teams from the Terminal re-investigated the Mendel Colony and tried to trace all data relating to research in the colony ..." Kira said, then sighed, "... and there are some things they found that seemed related to you and you have to know it personally, "he added.

Mendel's colony, still clear in Athrun's memory when Kira was almost depressed because he knew his true self and his family. Something similar was also experienced by Cagalli. However, for Athrun, there is no point in leveraging Kira and Cagalli's past if, in the end, it will only hurt their feelings. _Ultimate Coordinator_, that's the real figure of Kira. Athrun had also accidentally overheard Rey discuss the matter with Shinn.

Never thought, the figure of his friend who is cry baby, but smart and kind was the first object to create the most ideal human being or more precisely the ideal and perfect _Coordinator_. Athrun did not want to question that because for him Kira was Kira whom he knew, a human who lived a normal life. He was not the object of research or biological weapons. When reading the paper given by Kira, Athrun initially did not feel suspicious, "This is a list of donors and sponsors for research in Mendel, huh?" Athrun asked seeing the number of lists and the nominal amount of money shown.

Kira bit his lower lip slightly, "You can see the bottom right away," he said.

Following Kira's orders, Athrun immediately saw the bottom of the sheet. As expected by Kira, Athrun was surprised to see his father's name written on the list of donors, "A..what. Father ... but how?"

"Your father turned out to be the one that supported the ongoing research at Mendel Colony and it seemed that your family became one of the main sponsors besides the Flaga family," Kira said. "Maybe at first, you didn't realize it because even though only about two or five percent of your family's wealth is used, at the end, that doesn't affect your life," he added.

"But why Father get involved in this crazy research like this?" Athrun asks but he was pretty sure that either Kira or Lacus cannot answer it.

Lacus then looked at Cagalli and seemed to give a signal to her. Cagalli then grabbed hold of one of Athrun's hands tightly. Giving a sign for Athrun remains calm and she was here for him and indicates that everything will be fine. While preparing tea, Lacus told a little about what they were going to talk about and initially Cagalli was also surprised. But Lacus explained that the one who was most pained was Athrun if he found out about this so she asked Cagalli to be strong and tough and keep Athrun accompany.

"Athrun, there are other things you need to know and it seems that caused the problem of the flow of Zala's family funds in the research," Lacus said. Lacus then looked at Kira and nodded a little followed by a nod from the young men.

Kira then handed a file folder to Athrun. "This is Ath, but I hope you're ready to see it. Ah, no ... I'm sure you can get through it," corrected Kira.

Athrun accepts the file folder. On the cover, there is an arrangement of letters and numbers that seem to be the code for the folder. When he opened the file Athrun was very surprised. "Kira ... this ..." he did not believe what he saw. Kira could only close his eyes while Cagalli tightened her hand. Athrun Zala, his name is listed as the object of research carried out by Ulen Hibiki and what he is seeing now is the overall report about him when he became the object of research.

Cold sweat was seen from the temple of the _navy blue_ haired man. He, who had thought he was a pure _second generation coordinator,_ turned out to be the object of crazy research in the Mendel Colony. Athrun did not understand, because all this time what he knew and saw from his family's photo album was that he was born like other _coordinators_. Although at the time his mother was pregnant several tests had been carried out specifically for embryo development tests, but that was a reasonable test. Athrun knew that because his parents immediately told him. "Kira, this is crazy ... You're not joking right?"

Kira said nothing. When Athrun looked at the last page he was more surprised because there was a FAILED text written in red ink. He, an Athrun Zala, was a failed research object. "This ..." Athrun did not understand the world where he was now. What was the meaning of all this? His father was a donor and main sponsor for crazy research that almost destroyed humanity. Then he? A failed research object. There are even a signature and his father's clear name which proves that he gave permission for 'modification' to Athrun.

"Wha ... is there one of you who can explain to me what this means?" Athrun asked calmly. He closed the report and immediately looked at Kira and Lacus straight. Athrun tried to be strong, Kira knew that. But his eyes showed great disappointment and betrayal.

"You were made the _test subject_ after Ulen Hibiki succeeded in perfecting the _artificial womb_. After Kira and Cagalli were born, news about the success of a perfect human being was created scattered and that news also heard by your father," Lacus explained. "We tried to examine the history of your family Athrun and we found this," Lacus handed a book thick enough to Athrun. Athrun opened it and on the first page clearly written the name Lenore Zala, his mother.

"In your mother's journal, it was written about the reason your father contacted Professor Hibiki. Your father seems to be quietly disappointed with you because you are too similar to your mother ..." Lacus felt she could not continue her explanation but she had to do it, "... but it was actually not because of that. But, it was because your father was satisfied with the research results of Professor Hibiki and challenged him to experiment with the born _coordinator_, whether this could be done after you were born, your father secretly brought to the colony of Mendel and use the excuse of further examination to your mother. But it was not until a month they doing these experiments, it showed a negative the result. Developments in _artificial womb_ cannot be done on babies who have been born or who have developed perfectly. "

"Your life is still safe, it is the best and surprisingly a miracle. After that Patrick Zala continued to channel funds to Professor Hibiki to develop tools that could produce a _coordinator_ figure. Perfectly without damaging the mother's fetus. Although we knew that not long after that the Mendel Colony invasion caused the account and distribution of funds to be forcibly frozen," Lacus added. Athrun was silent, did not respond to anything."Patrick's love for Lenore saved you, Ath. The results of research on you have never been published because Patrick did not want to make Lenore fearful. Because if not for your father's feelings for your mother, then you now ... "Lacus did not continue the sentence. She knew that the next sentence would hurt Kira and Cagalli's feelings. But Athrun understood what Lacus wanted to say. Patrick Zala's love for Lenore was very big and sincere, that he was not willing to take the fetus that was being harbored by Lenore, he waited until Zala's baby was born.

What a very bitter reality. But the thing that was strongly believed by Athrun now was that his family highly upholds the superiority of race and it flows in his blood. Then he Athrun Zala, just explained to Cagalli even though not directly if he feels disappointed and hates it. Athrun then moved from his chair, "I ... want to find fresh air first," he then left Lacus, Kira, and also Cagalli.

* * *

After Athrun left them, no one dared to start the conversation. All immersed in each other's thoughts. But Lacus was convinced that what was in Kira and Cagalli's mind was that they were disappointed because Athrun was one of the 'victims' of the savagery of their biological parents. Until finally Cagalli opened her mouth, "Kira ... so what do you really want to talk? This very personal thing can you convey directly to him without inviting me even though I know why I should be here, but please tell my purpose here. You asked me to come here. not just to make sure and conveying the fact that Ulen Hibiki is a crazy scientist, right? "

Kira sighed, for the Cagalli's case it was good for him to deliver and convey it. He did not dare to speak much to Athrun because he feared of hurting Athrun's pride as a man and also his belief so that it could have an impact on the appearance of a fight between them, therefore, Lacus explained everything. Whereas Cagalli, as an -older brother, perhaps- Kira was the one who had to explain. "It's about your condition Cags," Kira opened his mouth, "... do you remember about the SEED Factor that we talked about a while ago together with Commander Waltfeld?"

Cagalli remembered it clearly, she once had doubts about her condition even though she believed in Uzumi's words Nara Athha that she was certain a _Natural_. A situation where the ability of a _Coordinator_ can be above the normal limit of a _Coordinator is_ supported due to the process of modifying the genes they have been through. But Lacus regarded it as a force that was the result of a strong belief in human feelings. When self-confidence and its belief increase surely everyone can cross their limits. But in theory, science is very strange because Cagalli who doesn't have that factor inside her can do it because it only can be used by the _Coordinator _who had strong feelings and beliefs that can do it. That was proven by Kira, Athrun, and also Lacus. This was the theory they have never told anyone in the world fear of causing a change in the _Natural_ and _Coordinator_ perspective.

"You are a _Natural_," Kira said steadily and Kira could clearly see the expression of relief on Cagalli's face, "... but there is no written record of what happened after Ulen Hibiki managed to perfect 'me'," Kira continued. He didn't use _artificial womb_ words because for Kira the fact that he was the one who developed by his father, not by the tool.

"Whether or not I am returned to Via Hibiki's womb, it is completely unwritten. It seems that the report was destroyed by Via Hibiki with the intention of not having the ability to continue making the _ultimate coordinator_ in the future, all that remains are the photos that we had. A happy and grateful face of a mother because her child was born healthy and safe. Mum Caridad also did not give much explanation because after Via entrusted us to her Via let herself being the target of the Blue Cosmos and might be killed along with Ulen Hibiki too, "Kira added.

Cagalli felt sad after she heard Kira's explanation. Really, how big and great the care and guidance of their adoptive parents try to divert them from their past. The past that can make them never see the light in this world. "Based on the results of discussions with the Terminal research institute, there are two possibilities regarding you Cags," Kira said again and Kira could see that Cagalli's shoulders were tense again.

"First, I am returned to mother's womb Via Hibiki in this case and the possibility of contamination in the uterus had occurred, so you have a _SEED-factor_. Twins always share in everything, right?" Kira said, "Secondly, Ulen Hibiki secretly also experimented on you," he added.

Cagalli swallowed hard and her eyes were perfectly rounded. Reason number two was a reason she didn't want to imagine at all. Although the two reasons are very unimaginable, the first reason is still quite reasonable because the system of developing the _ultimate coordinator was _not much different from the process of developing the embryo in the general _coordinator_, such as the IVF process. If the second reason occurs, then Ulen Hibiki is truly a crazy scientist who has violated various kinds of professional codes of ethics.

Kira then grabbed Cagalli's hand tightly, "You don't need to worry Cags. Because we checked it right? When you were sick for two weeks because of fatigue due to you being thick headed, didn't want to rest after a tight schedule, you remember? You are _Natural_ and there is nothing strange in you. Think of those _SEED_ as a miracle or a gift that given to you or given by me or Via Hibiki as a weapon to protect you. "

Kira tried to cheer her up but Cagalli knew inside him Kira was blaming himself. He blamed himself for not being able to protect Cagalli. But what they can do, they are still in the process of being developed into complete human beings. Did Kira forget how the process of developing the fetus was before becoming a perfect human being and the process also took time, right?

Cagalli sighed. Enough with all the perceptions, assumptions, and theories about genetic engineering. For Haumea's sake, why are humans so happy to make themselves become very superior in many ways. Though there is already a God who created them and limits their respective roles to them according to their abilities. Why do they oppose God? There is nothing more perfect than God. "I think it's enough with all this chat. Kira. I understand what you mean and for me, we should immediately close this discussion and face what's in front of us. Repairing a damaged past is not by constantly thinking about that time. But facing what is in the future and how we try not to repeat what our predecessors have done,"

Kira and Lacus were sure Cagalli would be able to quickly draw conclusions from another perspective. Kira was grateful that Uzumi Nara Athha really educated Cagalli well. The strong and decisive nature inherited from Ulen Hibiki was directed to other better fields by Uzumi and Kira can see it. "Now, the others stay with Athrun ..." Lacus said quietly. Kira just nodded because he was confused about how to comfort Athrun. He knew that Athrun was the type who was liked to being left alone when there was a problem but it seemed that now he needed to be accompanied.

Cagalli also moved from her chair, "I will look for him, let me take out the hamster that continues to spin in his mind," she said leaving Kira and Lacus.

* * *

Lucky that Athrun had time to take her looking around the house before Kira and Lacus arrived so Cagalli did not feel panicked or confused by the house floor plan. But, because his house was quite spacious, Cagalli was a little bit confused with the place where Athrun left. Neither in Athrun's room nor in the study room and the library does not show the presence of the _navy blue_ man. Finally, Cagalli decided to go to the veranda of the house which led to the Zala family's greenhouse. She hoped that Athrun didn't go out of the house without notifying the others even she knew he won't get lost here.

Cagalli's guess was right. Athrun stood alone on the porch of his house while looking straight at the scene in front of him. Without being asked, Cagalli immediately approached Athrun and immediately hugged him from behind, wrapped her hands around Athrun's waist, "Athrun, are you okay?" she asked.

"What am I? Who I am?"

An ambiguous question that made Cagalli tighten her arms. The same case occurred when they talked about Meer Campbell's death, Athrun openly cried and explained his regret and at that time he questioned about the purpose of his life as Alex Dino. Did he just a shadow or actually both of Athrun Zala and Alex Dino are not even existed in this world at all. At that time, Cagalli was quite hard on Athrun until finally, Athrun willingly and wanted to open up about Meer and also his anxiety (1).

"Nee ... Athrun, can you feel the tightness of my hands around your waist?" Cagalli asked.

"Yes," he answered simply.

"Do you think this is a lie?" Cagalli asked again.

Athrun didn't answer. "If you regretting about your existence, then you may spill all your resentment at me, not to Kira, but JUST to me. The biological daughter of a mad scientist who almost took your life. Don't blame your family because if it wasn't for that research your father wouldn't do it."

Athrun felt his heart torn apart. Cagalli tried to comfort him, she knew Athrun needed someone to shed all his emotions. He felt very guilty about being a Zala, he felt wrong about his existence in this world. But he did not want it to be a destroyer of relations with his lover. Athrun then returned Cagalli's hand by holding it.

_His hands are cold_, Cagalli thought. It seems that Athrun has been standing in outside for a long time. "You remember what you said when I helped you who got hurt on the beach, I pointing a gun at you if the memory recall? You killed Kira and you said maybe I who was in front of you with a gun on my hand was destined to kill and shoot you. Did you remember? I still really remember the overflow of emotions at that time," said Cagalli while chuckling.

"The game of fate is indeed unpredictable. Maybe it's true we are destined to meet but for what? Is it really true that we were met to kill each other? If it is true, then kill me because I am the successor of people who almost took your life," she added.

Cagalli's last sentence was responded by Athrun with him who immediately turned his body and hugged Cagalli's small and thin body. It sounded wrong in his ears, "Enough, Cags! I don't want to discuss this. Don't you blame yourself again? I'm the one who was wrong here, I shouldn't live! Zala should have been destroyed long ago. Now I understand why at the end of his death my father asked me to shoot Genesis. Now I understand why you rarely spend time with me. I'm not supposed to live, maybe I should immediately give up my position as an Admiral in ORB Union before my ego destroys the country you love and- "

_SLAP_

A slap floated onto Athrun's cheek, leaving a red color on one side of the man's cheek realizing and waking up the man from his messed up delusion. In front of him, Cagalli's face looked annoyed with tears that began to wet her cheeks. "You ... don't ever say that you don't belong in this world!"

"Athrun you are you. An Athrun and also Zala, it cannot be changed. You are yourself who has your own feelings and thoughts, not your father, not even your mother. I know that if we continue to discuss the superiority of a race it will only result in an unfinished talk which it doesn't make sense at all. I don't blame you as a Zala because what you inherit from them is the point of view of life, pride, honor, and self-esteem, that's what you can be proud of! Don't you ever say you have no purpose or not or something like you should not be in this world, or you not belong here! I don't want to hear that! " Cagalli said firmly.

"Lacus once told me that every human being has his purpose created in this world and for her, it was her meeting with Kira which made her the happiest woman in the world so don't ever doubt about your existence. Zala is your identity, _Coordinator_ is your identity, everything has been planned by God including your meeting with me ... "Cagalli again embraced Athrun," ... never ever do you feel unnecessary. Because I need you, not as Alex Dino, not as an object of research, not as a _Coordinator_ who excels in various things, but as Athrun, Athrun Zala, and just Athrun Zala, nobody else, please…. "

"Cagalli ...I sorry…" Athrun touched his reddened cheek.

"Truth that your past torments you, then don't look at what happened in the past because if you get sunk into it you won't go anywhere. Choose your future Athrun. The future you believe in, the future you can achieve and you expect ... Isn't that what we are doing right now? Investigating all assets of Blue Cosmos and LOGOS, stopping all forms of dangerous weapons research including biological weapons on earth. You are a different human being Athrun, indeed that you are carrying the name Zala but you are not your predecessor. You are you ... Athrun Zala, "Cagalli said," ... I'm grateful Lenore-san let you grow up in Copernicus, that means you could live in a neutral area. You could live and grow together with people called _Natural_. Both Lenore-san and Mum Caridad are indeed great women, I am grateful to be able to meet men from their upbringing. "

Cagalli's hands then grabbed both sides of Athrun's cheeks and stroked them gently, "Don't just because your genes are turning off your glowing _emerald_ eyes. Don't let yourself to not see your true quality. Now is a new beginning after the war ended and don't let you sink into the nightmare of the war that's over. I need you Ath, _you're my red knight in a clad of shining armor_. I don't care about you as a failed research object because it is inappropriate for humans to be labeled on that way, we are living things, social beings. Don't forget it, Athrun. I don't need the label, because what I need is the true identity and Athrun Zala as himself. A man who dares to take a stand and always calm and strong-minded that is your figure that I love. "

Athrun then smiled and held one of Cagalli's hands. Yes, the warmth of this girl's hand is not a lie. He is here, living in this world with his loved ones. "Cagalli Yula Athha, you're really something," he said. He also played the _promise ring_ on the girl's left finger. Yeah, he still remembers that girls or maybe more precisely the women in front of him will always be there for him. Like the Haumea necklace, he still wore behind his clothes, meaning that he will always be there for Cagalli and always remember her and also otherwise. "Sorry and thank you for always being here with me."

"I'm tired of hearing your comments, Mister. And stop apologizing, okay?" said Cagalli. "So how? Have you felt calm?" she asked.

Athrun nodded, "Sorry for making you worry," he also rubbed Cagali's cheek to erase the tears marks that had left on Cagalli's cheek.

"That's why I meet you Athrun Zala. My identity now is not as Cagalli Hibiki as my real name should be, but as Cagalli Yula Athha who is in charge of accompanying you with all my soul and body," said Cagalli firmly.

Athrun then kissed Cagalli's cheek which immediately made the girl's face flush, "Ath!"

"Revenge for the earlier and you are cute. I am happy to see your reaction. Because your reaction is only shown to me and only at me," said Athrun, "Thank you Cagalli, to become a special figure in my life."

"Athrun! Cagalli!" Kira's voice approached them, "Gladly that you guys are here, we are quite worried because two of you really takes some time." Kira and Lacus approached them accompanied by Haro and also Tori.

"Wow, the scenery is so beautiful, I didn't expect that the scenery here is very beautiful!" Lacus said when she saw the sunset from the porch of the house. "Cagalli-san, let's take a closer look!" invited Lacus, she pulled Cagalli and moved away from Kira and Athrun a few steps.

"Athrun," Kira called.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Athrun just smiled which Cagalli also asked the same question a moments ago. "Well, that's how it is ...maybe.."

"Remember, we ... I ... and you ... we must not die, because, in the future, there is still tomorrow that we must fight for and so on ..." Kira's sentence was cut off, he saw the smiling figure of Lacus and Cagalli cheerfully accompanied by Haro and Tori, "... for the two of them too," he added. Athrun who followed Kira's gaze could only nod in agreement. "Although there is someone who destroys the beauty of the blossoming flower, we are sure that we will be able to continue to plant and grow it again. Hope is not something that just goes away," Kira said. With new beliefs that are within each of them as well as assignments in their respective professions, the four of them are convinced that the future that they hope for can be achieved and with their identity too as a human being.

_**END**_

* * *

**NOTE:**

As Fuyu said, this story was inspired by Tamaki Nami's song but there are some issues that Fuyu raised, which is:

1\. Fuyu once read one of the magazines which wrote that Athrun was the object of failed research for the ultimate coordinator.

2\. (1) in the story is the initial one-shot plan that Fuyu wanted to write, regarding Athrun's relationship and remorse for Meer Campbell's death. The story titled IF: EMOTION

3\. Forgive Fuyu if Fuyu seems to often torture Athrun and Cagalli. Especially Athrun because for Fuyu, the Zala family kept more mysteries. Both in anime, manga and CD suits. Whereas in the Gundam Seed Destiny manga The Edge illustrates how Athrun really feels. Like when Athrun saw the figure of Gilbert, Tali, and Rey reminded him of his parents and also himself.

Okay, that's all from Fuyu!

Please kindly to leave your review!


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